suits me

I swam the other day at the Y during lunch. Going in, I didn't know that noon was high time for the senior men's crowd, but there they were, filling every lane, and swimming fast too. Since I'd packed my bag that morning knowing I was going at what I thought was a low time of day, I brought only my newest swimsuit: the Yingfa. 

Let me tell you a little bit about the Yingfa, in case you're not familiar. It's a Chinese company, if you couldn't figure that out. There were lots of great things about it on the internet, even comparisons between the Yingfa sharkskin and the Speedo fastskin. It therefore MUST be good, right?

The ebay store from which I purchased had some kind of conversion chart that said my normal swimsuit size would correlate to a Large, so that's what I ordered. I can fit into a smaller US size, I promise, but I just don't like tight straps or wedgies, so I usually go for the bigger one. So did I mention it's made in China? Even having that information going in, it never occurred to me that Chinese women have no butts.

Cute, right? 

I received the suit in the mail and excitedly opened it to find a great material (don't know what it was from the Chinese label, all I could tell was I'm not supposed to iron it). Of some concern was the 3mm wide mesh insert that would fall directly over the butt crack when wearing. But believe me, nobody is going to notice that. I put it on and discovered that while the rear of the suit consists of about 16 square inches of material, my butt consists of waaaaay more than that. That picture of the suit? Yeah, that's an XXXL size suit on a XXXS size model.

I hope my sprinting to and from the locker room, small towel struggling to cover as much of my bare flesh as possible, didn't come across as rudeness as the lifeguard called her greeting.
I need to spend as little time out in the open, uncovered by water, as possible. 

For now, this suit has been delegated as my odd time of day, swimming alone, hoping nobody I know sees me suit. If you do happen to spot the girl in the way too small suit, please pretend you didn't. And in the meantime, maybe it'll stretch.