When we get complacent in sports, are we satisfied with where we are with our fitness, are our current PRs good enough, and do we have no new goals? Or are we just comfortable with where we are and what we are doing, not ready to push harder? In other aspects of life we may find that we know enough, are good enough at our jobs and have a routine down that doesn't need changing. Complacency isn't always a bad thing, but in some areas, a little more ambition could help.
Hunter has ambition aplenty. He is not satisfied with what he knows of this world. There is so much more out there to learn and experience. There are so many objects to throw and games to play, places to explore and books to read. I'm trying to be more like little Hunter.
In the last few years I have been in a deep rut with my running, cycling and swimming abilities, but I never gave up the desire to be better and go faster. Now that my racing ambition is back, I need to remember coach's phrase in the heat of competition. It is easy to just get through the race, coasting along, but I would not be living up to my abilities.
As far as my life outside of sports goes, I've had a major career change this past year. Despite having pursued over 3 years of post-graduate education, with a degree to show for it, I feel so lucky that I am able to stay at home with Hunter and switch my career to being a mommy. So far this has been the most challenging job yet. I have to continually strive to be better; it is truly what I have been training for my whole life. Luckily there is some on-the-job training in mommyhood. Dr Sears says Hunter is making me into the mommy he needs, as long as I listen to him!
I know I make mistakes, and I am always trying harder. But I don't try to do better based on other people's convictions, just my own. I know I do things -- cosleeping, nursing my almost 1-yr old -- that other moms are targeted and attacked for, making them question their parenting and even feel embarrassed for their choices. The funny thing is, I cannot imagine feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong there. I've done the research. Sometimes I just know I am right.This is my baby; I know him best.
Still, while so much of parenting is subjective and based on each individual baby, I feel that some "methods" are just wrong. Letting a baby "cry it out" for any amount of time alone is damaging to their little developing brains, and there is plenty of research to back this.* Here is where some of my formal education comes through. In developmental psychology you learn about attachment theory and its extreme importance. You also study learned helplessness, which is a more appropriate term for the so-called "self soothing" that occurs after babies are left to cry. How sad is it that so many well meaning parents are led to believe that this is actually a good, Christian "child training" method? Trust your gut and learn from your guilt. I am so sad thinking of all the little babies out there so scared, alone, and crying for some personal comfort that is being denied. And no, their needs are not met if they are left alone crying. They NEED to be picked up and comforted.
I totally know I'm not doing everything right, and that's why I'm not getting complacent. I'm trying to learn from baby Hunter and other moms who think like I do. It's nice to know where I can find them, besides my family, of course (and Jenny says it much better). It seems I follow a lot of what Dr. Sears coined "attachment parenting." It's funny how you can go with your instinct and then find what you're doing is a "thing." Like how we started feeding Hunter solid chunks of food from our plates instead of purées? Yeah that's called Baby-Led Weaning, with weaning in this case meaning starting solids, not stopping breastfeeding. Who knew?
As I continue to be literally in touch with my little one almost 24 hours a day, go on to breastfeed a toddler, share my bed with him, and answer to all his cries and needs, not ever worrying that I will "spoil" him, I will surely be kept on my toes, never letting complacency stop me from being the best I can. Sometimes a little out of my comfort zone, it will be just like in triathlons, where getting a little uncomfortable is the way to break through and be better than you ever imagined.
*this is far from a research paper, because ain't nobody got time for that, but I have a few links to good articles that reference actual studies.
Crying It Out
Evolutionary Parenting: Educating the Experts. About Crying, Needs, Touch, Self Soothing, and Schedules
Damaging tiny brains with crying it out
Cosleeping FAQs by James McKenna
Yay! This is great!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can hear your coach saying that...and everyone making fun of it. :)
ReplyDeleteCan't you picture the phrase used at a party during drinking games? :)
ReplyDeleteActually, I can. :) Oh and also I just noticed the part about sometimes you know you're right. You ALWAYS know you're right. That's what makes you you. :)
ReplyDelete